Caregiving: Our series offers (just about) everything you ever wanted to know.

Highlights Research has shown that having the support of friends and family is important for both the person with cancer and the caregiver. For three important ways for a caregiver to care for him or herself, click here.

This is the third and final article in our series on care giving. Click here to review the first article in the series and here for the second. In this issue, we discuss your needs and feelings.

Caregiver, care for thyself.

Caring for someone going through cancer treatment can be very stressful and exhausting. On top of your normal day-to-day tasks, such as planning and preparing meals, cleaning, and driving or arranging transportation for your loved one, you will also become an important member of the cancer treatment team. This busy schedule often leaves little time for caregivers to take care of their own needs. This can lead to anxiety, hostility, anger, resentment, frustration, and depression. These are normal feelings, but they must be recognized and managed.

Don’t allow these feelings to fester and turn into physical problems such as high blood pressure, sleeping problems, or over- or under-eating. If you begin to have any of these feelings, ask the health care team about resources available to you.

The basics of good health apply to you, too.

Be sure to make and keep your own doctor appointments, get enough sleep, exercise, eat healthy foods, and keep your normal routine as much as you can. It is important not to feel guilty or selfish when you ask for help or take time for yourself. By taking care of yourself, you will be better able to take care of your loved one.

If you work, there may be programs to help.

If you need some time away from work, speak with your boss or benefits office. If your workplace has an Employee Assistance Program, look into what benefits it offers. Some offer counseling services for money concerns, stress, and depression.

If you can't or don't want to stop working, you may be able to take unpaid time off under the Family and Medical Leave Act. Your eligibility for this benefit depends on your job and your kinship to the patient. (Click here for information about the Family and Medical Leave Act.)

Accept the offers of help from others.

There is almost always just too much for one caregiver to do. Asking for help or allowing others to help can remove some of the pressure you may feel and allow you time to take care of yourself. Often family and friends want to help but may not know how to help or what you need. Here are some tips for working with family and friends:

• Look for areas where you need help. Make a list or note them on a calendar.
• Hold regular family conferences to keep everyone involved. Use these meetings as updates and care-planning sessions. Include the patient.
• Ask family and friends when they can help and what jobs they think they can do. You may also contact a person with a certain request. Be very clear about what you need.
• As you hear back from each person who had an assignment, note it on your list to make sure they have taken care of what you needed.

There are also many online resources that can help you manage your job as caregiver, such as the American Cancer Society Cancer Survivors Network®, Gilda's Club, and others listed in the National Organizations and Web Sites section. Taking full advantage of the resources available to you is another way you can take care of yourself.

Don’t blame yourself.

No matter what you do, you will very likely come to a point where you feel that you have failed your loved one in some way. It seems obvious that as a caregiver, you do the best you can. But sometimes you will feel that you could have handled a situation better. At these times, it is important not to blame yourself. Find a way to forgive yourself and move on. It helps to bear in mind that you will keep making mistakes, so try to keep a sense of humor about it. Try to recognize and appreciate those things you do well – the things you may overlook.

As a caregiver, you have an important role in helping your loved one through his or her cancer experience. The American Cancer Society is in your corner around the clock to guide you and your loved one every step of the way – so your patient can focus on getting well. Call us at 1-800-227-2345 or visit cancer.org to find information to make informed decisions about care, moral support from others who have been there, and practical solutions to daily challenges.