If you have a caregiver, you may be the first to recognize that he or she needs a little care, too.

Highlights For a list of the symptoms of stress that caregivers sometimes show, click here. Helping your caregiver also helps you.

The last thing you want, of course, is to be a burden on someone. But everyday living has its share of difficulties, and when the tasks of caregiving are added to those, it can begin to take a toll on even the sturdiest of people.

You may be the person who is in the best position to notice symptoms of stress in your caregiver. And you may also be the person who is most influential in getting your caregiver to tend to those issues.

Helping your caregiver helps you.

Many caregivers are so dogged about their caregiving that they tend to “overdo.” They love you and want to do anything possible to help you. That’s understandable and noble. But as a result, your caregiver may become so busy worrying about and caring for you, they become blind to their own needs.

That isn’t good for either of you. If your caregiver overdoes it and gets sick, then he or she can’t care for you. And sometimes, you may have to phrase it just that way. Caregivers can be an unselfish lot – often to a fault. They often will not take a break for themselves, but if they think it is a break that will help you, they’ll do it. Here are some things you can say that might help your caregiver and ultimately you.

If your caregiver seems sleepy:

If you notice your caregiver yawning excessively, you may say something light-hearted like:

“Dear, you are so sleepy all the time that I am afraid you’re not getting enough rest. Why don’t we both start taking naps in the afternoon for a couple of hours? I know it would make me feel better, too. 

If your caregiver seems angry:

If your caregiver seems angry or impatient, it’s important to remember that they probably are not mad at you. They may simply feel that they aren't doing all that’s necessary or not doing it as well as they expect. You might say something sympathetic like:

“I am so amazed at how much you do for me and I know it isn’t always easy. I appreciate it so much, though. You know, I’d feel much better if you took a few hours off tomorrow and just did any old thing you want. You need a good break. If I need anything while you’re gone, I’ll just call my friend Sue. I miss her anyway.”

If your caregiver seems to have no appetite:

Sometimes, caregivers just lose their appetites either because they’ve been busy cooking meals for their loved ones and then don’t feel hungry themselves or because they feel like they’re too busy to eat. You may spot this a lot sooner than the caregiver does. So you might suggest a change in the way you both handle meals. For example, you could say:

“You know what I feel like? Lasagna. And I know the perfect place to call and have it delivered. In fact, let’s agree we’ll order out twice a week. Next time, you pick.”

If you feel that your caregiver is withdrawn or absent-minded:

It may be that he or she really does need a total vacation for a few days – some distinct break from everyday tasks. It may well be you who has to broach the subject and suggest the break. You could say something in a kidding way, like:

“You must be awfully tired of my face. Come to think of it, I’m kinda tired of yours. Seriously, why don’t we both take a little vacation of sorts. You could go up to your cabin in the mountains and I could ask Mary if she would like to fly down and visit me. She and I really need to spend some time together anyway.”

Usually, a suggestion from you will be enough to make your caregiver take a needed break. If, however, you feel that your caregiver may need some help from a doctor or therapist, you may have to broach this with the caregiver or with another family member or friend.

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