Cancer in the Workplace: Whom to Tell, When, and How Much

Highlights More and more people with cancer continue to work while in treatment and afterward. Many coworkers will want to help. It’s good to be prepared with ways they can. For some tips, click here. Time-management Tips for Employees with Cancer Click here.

Employees touched by cancer, even those who are no longer in treatment, are usually faced with having to discuss their cancer with coworkers. Certainly, employees with cancer have every right to privacy in the matter; however, cancer and its treatment effects are sometimes hard to hide. It often makes it easier on employees to go ahead and address the situation with coworkers directly. What’s more, giving voice to the issue can help employees with cancer better grasp the reality of the situation. Telling co-workers also opens the door to invaluable sources of support.

Employees Should First Face Their Own Feelings

Even though cancer is no longer a death sentence, it is a serious disease. It’s important for people who have cancer to face their own feelings about it – before trying to tell their coworkers.

In anticipation of telling others, you need to be clear on your reasons for sharing and what you expect in return. If you expect sympathy and compassion, for example, and instead receive what seems like indifference, you could become depressed or angry. It’s best to be ready for a wide range of reactions. If you are not, you may not yet be ready to share your news.

Sometimes it also helps to think about your own “trigger points” or topics that engender particularly emotional responses in you. For example, you may get angry when someone questions your choice of treatment. Or you may get annoyed when people bring religion into the discussion. Or you may not like it when people want to tell you the details of the cancer that someone they know has.

Once you have recognized your own trigger points, you can plan responses that are comfortable and that effectively cut off the conversations without being rude or hurting others' feelings.

Another consideration should be the “language” you use to tell others. Some people prefer to take ownership of their cancer with statements like, “I have cancer.” Others are more comfortable putting it at a distance and using language like, “I was diagnosed with cancer.” It seems like a small difference between the two phrases, but it may be a big one to the individual. Since there is no “right” way of speaking about the disease, each person should choose what works best for himself or herself.

Whom and How Much to Tell

Just as with friends, some coworkers are closer to you than others. That’s why many people with cancer find that it is best to take a tiered approach when telling coworkers, preparing perhaps three different versions of their “talk”:

• For those coworkers with whom you are personally close and/or with whom you work most closely, you might share more in-depth details of your situation, even expressing emotions to the degree you are comfortable. Coworkers in this tier are usually the ones most impacted by necessary schedule and workload changes, too, so from a practical standpoint, it’s best for them to have more rather than less information.
  
  To this tier of coworker, you might say something like:
  
  “I have cancer. It’s cancer of the esophagus and it is serious, but they have caught it early so the prognosis is good. I’m very frightened, as you might expect, but I have had some time to think about it and I believe that continuing to work will be good medicine for me. I know this isn’t easy for you to hear either, and I thank you for listening to me. I appreciate any support and encouragement you can give me. While I will have a schedule of treatments, I will do everything I can to avoid having them interfere with our getting the job here done.”
  
  
• For those coworkers with whom you have less frequent contact and the contact is less critical to the job, you might share only a brief description of your situation, expressing optimism, but not strong emotions.
  
  To this tier of coworker, you might say something like:
  
  “I was diagnosed with cancer recently. I’m going to be having treatments that have proven very successful and I am very optimistic about things. I don’t even anticipate that my work schedule will change very much. Today’s medicine is an amazing thing.”
  
  
• For those coworkers with whom you have only a passing acquaintance, you might share a brief acknowledgement of your situation and express gratitude at being able to work. This has a tendency to discourage further questions and discussion, which may be unwelcome.
  
  In this case, you might say something like:
  
  “I see you every day in the elevator and you’re always so friendly that I just wanted to let you know if you don’t see me some mornings it’s only because I am having some medical treatments that are very common and very successful. They’re a little inconvenient, but I’m so grateful to be able to continue to work. It won’t be long and I’ll be back to my normal morning schedule.”

Responses and Reactions: How to Plan

There are probably as many responses and reactions as there are coworkers. Human beings are complex creatures and when those human beings are coworkers, there is an overlay of work-related issues and politics that comes into play, too.

All of this can seem daunting, so it is helpful to try to sort these responses out and be prepared for as many reactions as possible. It’s probably safe to say that most people will respond in a quiet, measured way – listening carefully and trying to absorb what they are hearing. There will be other responses, however, and it’s those that it helps to be prepared for. Here are a few common responses one may encounter:

The stunned and startled: This is often the response of people who themselves feel fragile and weakened from something unrelated to your cancer and they are temporarily unable to say much. It can appear that these people are more concerned about themselves than you.

The effusive: This is often the response of people who don’t know what to say, so they just say everything. Much of what they say may even be inappropriate and too “familiar” for the situation. They may even seem to be too nosy or overly helpful.

The know-it-all: This is the response of people who want to “solve the problem,” usually because they, too, are uncomfortable with the situation and would prefer that it “just went away.” They want to tell you what to do and who to see and how others they have known have proceeded. It’s very hard for them just to listen and not try to help.

The indifferent: This response usually belies what is really going on in the person. He or she may feel very badly about your situation, but is uncomfortable talking about it – either because of fear or a feeling of inadequacy or of not knowing what to say. Like the stunned and startled response, it’s sometimes easier for people to say nothing because they are afraid of saying the wrong thing.

The all business, no heart: This response is sometimes seen in a boss or supervisor of an employee with cancer. It is like the indifferent response in that it usually belies some of what the person is really feeling, but it is the response of someone who has responsibilities to other workers too, not to mention the job itself.

The Period of Adjustment

It usually takes some time for everyone involved to adjust to cancer and become more comfortable talking about it. You can help during this period by being as honest and open as possible and by giving coworkers information and a chance to ask questions. But it is also important to be comfortable saying things like, “You know, usually I am OK to talk about things like this, but today I just can't handle it. I'm sure you understand." In saying this, you set your own boundaries about when and under what circumstances you are able to discuss the illness.

In time, both you and your coworkers will learn to adapt to the situation and, usually, a new level of camaraderie will develop.