Help team to the rescue!

Highlights Assembling a help team can be fun. One person facing cancer put her husband in control of pain management and named him her “Prince of Pain Control.”

Upon hearing a diagnosis of cancer, both the person touched by cancer and his or her caregiver will have many new responsibilities. That’s the time to accept offers of help from friends and family.

There are a lot of ways to delegate and fashion a help team. Friends want so much to help, so it’s important to provide ways for them to do so. One of the keys is to assign people tasks based on what they are good at and enjoy. It’s also important to make the roles well defined and the goals achievable.

We’ve provided some broad-stroke definitions of the kinds of tasks that accompany a cancer diagnosis, plus types of support personalities who may be needed. Assembling the help team may be as simple as making a two-column list – one column with the tasks and the other column with names of friends and family members. Then, it’s just a question of drawing lines from the tasks to the person best equipped to perform them.

• Medical tasks, such as researching appropriate care facilities; gathering medical information for treatment decisions; helping patient seek a second opinion, if desired; learning all about the chosen treatment and its side effects; and monitoring pain.
  
  Support personalities: Medical tasks such as these might well be handled by a friend who is a nurse or nurse practitioner, but they could also be handled by friends who are thorough, organized, and capable of listening, digesting, and taking notes.
  
  
• Emotional tasks, such as communicating care decisions to friends on behalf of the patient, updating friends and family on treatment progress, being a sounding board for the patient’s feelings, reassuring the patient, accompanying the patient on treatment visits for emotional support, and suggesting complementary treatments to ease stress for the patient.
  
  Support personalities: These types of tasks are best handled by friends and loved ones who are stable, even people who communicate well and without hyperbole.
  
  
• Financial tasks, such as determining insurance coverage; negotiating, if necessary, with providers; paying bills; keeping receipts; and elementary bookkeeping.
  
  Support personalities: These tasks might best be handled by friends who are accountants, bankers, or insurance industry employees, but they could also be handled by well-organized people who are detail oriented.
  
  
• Day-to-day living tasks, such as providing transportation to treatment and doctor visits, planning and preparing meals, grocery shopping, child care, pet care, and more.
  
  Support personalities: These are tasks that largely require friends with cars who can be relied upon to be on time. Friends with limited time might be best for these tasks.
  
  
• Exercise and personal care tasks, such as being a companion on a regular walking regimen; helping the patient with easy, passive stretch; shampooing and bathing; shaving; and more.
  
  Support personalities: These tasks are best performed by more intimate friends and family members who are gentle and kind caregivers.

One survivor’s story: Some years ago, a spirited survivor named Joan told us about how she created a support system for herself when she was diagnosed with cancer. She invited all of her friends to participate and two of them volunteered to be co-chairs of what came to be called “Operation Joan.” The co-chairs set up schedules and assembled an entire crew of friends. Nearly every friend and loved one had a “position” in the operation. And when it was all over and Operation Joan had been a success, Joan’s friends told her that it had been a fulfilling duty for each and every one of them and they were thankful for having been included.