How to handle the holidays.
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Highlights
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Whether someone is in active treatment for cancer, has recently finished cancer treatment, or is a caregiver for someone with cancer, the holidays often bring heightened emotions.
For some people, holidays are reason to celebrate and give thanks. For others, they can be occasions for grieving and even fearfulness.
People facing the cancer experience can take some solace in the fact that they are not alone. Even people who are unaffected by cancer or any other serious disease are often highly emotional during the holidays. The holidays are fraught with emotional traps and if we are not on guard, we can fall right into them.
That’s why we provide the following Dos and Don’ts for the holiday season:
DO:
- Give yourself permission to feel your feelings, whether they are joy, fear, sadness, or pain.
- Express your feelings. Let yourself laugh, cry or simply be quiet and passive for a while.
- Accept yourself as you experience your emotions. Respect your own timetable.
- Be patient with yourself. And others.
- Take care of yourself: eat well (without overeating) and get your usual exercise. Physical activity is a good way to release the tension that builds around this time of year.
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Discuss Your Family’s Health History over the Holidays
It may sound funny, but when the family is all together would be a great time to make notes about who has had what and when. The most common, most deadly diseases facing Americans tend to run in families – heart disease, stroke, diabetes, cancer. In fact, a family history of cancer is considered to be an important risk factor for several forms of the disease, including breast, colon, prostate, and ovarian cancers. When people know they have such a history, they can take steps to better protect themselves from the risk they face. So that knowledge can be an extraordinary gift.
Allow yourself small physical pleasures that may help you replenish yourself like hot baths, naps, and favorite foods.
- Give yourself a break from cancer. You don’t need to constantly focus on it. It is healthy to find appropriate distractions like going to a movie, dinner, or a ball game, reading a good book, listening to music, getting a massage or manicure.
- Try to maintain normalcy. Keep up daily routines as much as possible.
- Try to anticipate your hot-button issues for the holidays so they don’t interfere with your enjoyment of them.
- Prepare for the holidays. Decide if you want to continue certain traditions or create new ones. Plan in advance how you want to spend your time, with whom, and for how long.
- Enlist support for organizing holiday gatherings, meal preparation and cleanup.
- Be understanding if others get upset or distressed when something goes awry. Chances are they're feeling the effects of holiday stress and pressure, too.
- Learn to say no. Believe it or not, people will understand if you can't do certain activities.
- Take a breather. Make some time for yourself.
DON’T:
- Pressure yourself with unrealistic expectations.
- Overindulge in alcohol. Since alcohol is a depressant, it can “bring out” or heighten bad feelings.
- Add a whole new set of stressful things to what is inherently a high-stress time.
- Try to force yourself to be happy just because it’s the holiday season.
- Expect the holidays to be just like they were when you were little. They never are and never will be.
- Worry about next year’s holidays and instead focus on this year’s – enjoying their simple pleasures and beauty.
- Shop ‘til you drop. Stick to a budget if you are going shopping. Buying things will not make up for any negative feelings you are having. So decide how much money you can afford to spend on gifts and other items. Then stick to your budget.
- Plan too much per day or even per this season. Plan ahead, setting aside specific days for specific tasks.
- Abandon healthy habits. Eat and drink in moderation. Get plenty of sleep.
- Set yourself up for disappointment. This is a wonderful life, but don’t expect it to play like a movie.
As someone in treatment for cancer, it’s important to remember that treatment is your job right now. Try to be content enjoying other people’s lights and decorations and such. Some people enjoy visits to the mall just for sitting and watching Santa and the children. Others enjoy driving or walking around their neighborhoods to see the house lights. Next year will be different, but this year, try to relax and just enjoy the beauty of the season.
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