If the person you are caring for is older and is still living in his own home, you may well encounter some resistance when you broach the subject of an outsider coming in to help during your absence.

Even your loved one- who knows how hard you work and understands that you need a break-may protest, making you throw up your hands and not take the break you need. That’s why the best thing you might want to do first is discuss the situation with the person for whom you are caring.

Ask how your loved one feels about you taking a break

It’s only fair that the person has a chance to express his feelings right up front. Be sure to encourage your loved one to be as candid as possible, even if his response it negative.

More than likely, your loved one will not want to feel like “the bad guy” throwing a monkey wrench into your plans. Consequently, he may not be completely forthright about his negative feelings that makes it harder for you because you can’t solve a problem you don’t even know exists. Again, encourage candor on your loved one’s part.

What if you do encounter objections?

Usually, any objections will be about having a stranger in the home:

• There may be a concern about safety  – “I don’t know. I’m afraid of being here alone with someone I don’t know. You hear such awful stories.”
• There may be a concern about privacy – “I don’t want to worry about how I look every day. What if I want to walk around in my underwear?”
• There may be a concern about quality of care – “You already know all the details about my cancer. I don’t want to have to train someone new.”

Here are some suggestions for proceeding:

• Above all, respect the person’s feelings. Remember that your loved one has grown accustomed to having you present all the time, and relying on you. You are the source of the person’s comfort and care.
• Suggest that you sit down together and discuss the kind of help you may need
• Ask that you conduct any interviews together
• Emphasize that your foremost concern will be for the person's safety, care, and privacy
• Together, work out a schedule for phone calls when you can touch base with one another
• Remind the person that you will miss him, but that you really need to refresh and recharge.
• Remind the person that he likely needs a break from you, too.
• Suggest that instead of a stranger coming in, this might be a good time for a friend of the person to come in for a “reunion” – something that might help buoy the spirits of your loved one and give him a needed break, too.

Remember, if you can allay your loved one’s fears and concerns, he will likely be delighted you are taking care of yourself and knowing that you are getting a break can help that person feel like less of a burden to you. All in all, the break will be good for both of you.

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