If you’re like a number of people, you may feel that communication with your doctor is not as good as you’d like it to be. It’s possible to remedy that situation and it’s important to do so. You must be able to talk with your doctor so that your needs are met.

Developing a good rapport with your doctor may take a little time and work. Take the time to ask your questions and make your concerns known. Likewise, your doctor must take the time to answer your questions and listen to your concerns.

Know your own style.

Everyone has a different notion about what characteristics make the ideal doctor. That's why the perfect doctor for one person may not be a good match for another.

Some people want a doctor who will share information in a clinical and business-like manner. They expect their doctors to be medical experts rather than friends. Other people want their doctors to have an excellent "bedside manner." They value doctors who can address their emotional health, as well as their medical needs.

People also differ on how much information they want. Many people want to know a lot of medical details about their illness and treatment because it makes them feel more in control of what is happening to them. Others want only small amounts of information because it disturbs and overwhelms them to hear too many details.

Once you have determined your wants, let your doctor know. That way, he or she will know your expectations and try to meet them.

Recognize the two-way street.

A good doctor-patient relationship is a two-way street. Your doctor certainly has responsibilities, but you have them, too. Sometimes patients forget that. By assuming these responsibilities, you are doing your part for the relationship and the communication.

Here are some things you can do:

• During the period before your visit, think carefully about what issues are most important to you, what questions you have, and what you are experiencing that may warrant attention. Write these down – even if they seem inconsequential or “dumb” to you. Doctors like to solve problems, but they can’t solve anything if you don’t tell them the problems.
• When you ask your questions during the visit, jot down key words next to the question so you’ll remember the doctor’s answer. Then, when you get home, you can write out the answers fully. That way, you’ll remember what you learned and “own” it.
• If you are someone who values more, rather than less, information, ask your doctor if he or she has written information or brochures you could take with you. Also, ask about recommended Web sites.
• When you get instructions from your doctor, write them down, too. Make sure you understand them before you leave the office. If you don’t understand them, ask your doctor for clarification.
• Follow your doctor’s instructions to the letter. If, for some reason, you don’t think you can comply with an instruction, tell your doctor why, right then and there. That way, he or she can revise the instruction. Let’s say, for example, your doctor instructs you to take a particular medicine that you know from experience makes you feel nauseous. Rather than going home and not taking the medicine, tell your doctor right then your issue with the medicine so that it can be solved.
• Try to share everything you can with your doctor – not only aspects of your physical well-being, but also those of your emotional well-being. Sometimes clinical depression can accompany cancer, but it can be treated if you reveal what you’re feeling.
• Anticipate that you will have questions and concerns once you are back at home. That’s often the way it happens. Rather than waiting for your next visit, ask your doctor about the best time to call with your questions. Some doctors have a special time to return calls. Expect your doctor to call you back, but remember that a quick response may not be possible if another patient is having a crisis.

Most doctors appreciate patients who do all of the above. They are interested in their patients’ concerns and take their questions seriously. They are also happy to give the time patients need to air their concerns.

What if your doctor doesn’t respond as you’d like?

Some doctors, just like some people, are not as patient as others and may not automatically respond to your initial efforts at good communication. If that’s the case, there are still ways to improve that situation before deciding the relationship is hopeless. (Click here for a discussion of these ways.) If, however, all of your efforts do not result in your getting the care and concern you need, it may be time to find a new doctor. Don't stay with a doctor just to protect his or her feelings. It's your body and you have the right to find the best doctor for you.

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