Welcome to Caregiver Corner.

In this first article in a series devoted to the needs of caregivers everywhere, we discuss your initial feelings about being a caregiver. In future issues, be sure to check this special section of New Connections for helpful information on the various aspects of being a caregiver.

Are you a natural?

Many people are natural caregivers – they just seem born to the task. For them, it feels good to help others and in doing so, they help themselves. Others who may not have thought themselves “naturals”, find that over time, they are indeed up to the task and are good at it. People who are naturals often have already been caregivers – for their own children, a younger sibling, or an older parent. They come to the role of caregiver for a loved one or friend with cancer, armed with intuitive abilities and a confidence that they can do the job. Here’s a caveat, however, for those who are naturals: Just because you have experience and are good at it doesn’t mean you have to accept the role.

Is being a caregiver a burden for you?

Just as some people are naturally good caregivers; others are not. They may feel inadequate or incapable or they may simply feel that the caregiving role is not one they want – now or ever.

There is no right way to feel.

While people who enjoy the caregiving role are admired, people who don’t enjoy it are not bad people. And those who do enjoy it, but don’t want to accept it at this time, are not bad either. People who elect not to be caregivers, for whatever reason, should not feel guilty about their decision. The important thing is to be honest about your feelings and then to talk about them with your friend or loved one with cancer. That way, you can make other care plans together. The worst thing is to accept the role and then not be able to do it – or to accept the role and then feel resentment. Clearly, this would do nothing for either you or your loved one.

It’s not all or nothing.

Providing good care doesn’t mean giving up your own life, or even your job. Nor does it mean providing care all by yourself, even if you believe you are the only support person your loved one has. Like any job, division of labor is important. Many people have found that dividing the various caregiving tasks among several family members or friends has reduced the burden on any single person and also made the person with cancer feel less of a burden. Many spouses who are employed have found that hiring an outside caregiver for the day while they are at work and then resuming the tasks themselves at night has been good for both them and their loved ones with cancer.

There are many other ways to share care-giving tasks, too. And interestingly, through task-sharing, many who thought they couldn’t do the job tasks, actually can do it and enjoy it.